I didn’t expect to think so much about wedding designs today, but here we are. Veteran Nigerian comedian and actor Atunyota Alleluya Akpobome – everyone calls him Alibaba – recently spoke about polygamy in an interview with media host Nedu. He did not give a polished academic course. Instead, he offered a mix of memories, cultural observations and some brutal, even uncomfortable, truths. I’m going to try to rephrase what he said, add a little context and – well – respond a little, because some things struck me as odd and some things made sense.
Polygamy as a practical arrangement
Alibaba’s first line of thinking was simple: sometimes polygamy is practical. He argued that having more than one wife can reduce tensions and promote cooperation within a household. This is not the kind of reason you hear in many modern debates – which usually oscillate between moral outrage and legality. Here’s what he pointed out: If a woman knows that there is another woman in the picture, this knowledge can change her behavior, supposedly easing certain conflicts. I’m not saying I completely agree with the logic. It’s a little rough around the edges, perhaps even for sound control. But you can understand why, in certain contexts, people have always seen it as a way to manage relationship dynamics.
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He also highlighted situations in which polygamy arose out of need and not desire. Think about it: When a man dies leaving a young wife and children, families often have to make quick, practical decisions. Sometimes a sibling or parent would intervene. This kind of arrangement, Alibaba said, was not always about choice but about survival and care. This is a reminder that certain social practices develop because they solve real problems in difficult circumstances. And this is a nuance worth remembering: not all examples are about power or control; some concern protection and economic stability, however imperfect the solutions may be.
Tradition, gifts and social strategies
Alibaba told a story about old Ibadan, where some women encouraged their husbands to take another wife. This surprised me at first – I admit I had imagined all the women opposite. But he explained one strategy: Some women brought young brides into the family or gave gifts so their husbands would not take concubines elsewhere. This sounds strange to modern ears, but culturally it was a tactic to maintain honor, lineage, or peace within the home. People make compromises – or workarounds – to preserve their status, resources, or family cohesion. The detail of elders arranging or supporting polygamy as a means of preventing secret infidelity is a bit ironic, and perhaps a bit tragic when we think of the human costs involved. Yet it shows how social practices are rarely simple.
Stability and controversial parts
Alibaba has not ignored the controversy. He acknowledged that many people disagree with polygamy. Yet he also pointed out something that gave me pause: Critics who insist that polygamy is wrong sometimes still live complicated private lives — dating multiple people, fathering children with different partners, or keeping family arrangements fragmented. In short, his argument was this: there is hypocrisy here. Maybe. Or maybe it’s just that modern life creates similar consequences, even without formal polygamous agreements. I am not defending this practice. I’m simply pointing out that Alibaba used this observation to argue that polygamy is not necessarily the wild exception it claims to be – it is one of many ways that societies deal with human desire, needs and social structure.
The gray zone: culture versus choice
What struck me about Alibaba’s comments was its attempt to separate culture and choice. In some cases, polygamy is rooted in tradition and social expectations: people follow it because it’s what their family or community does. In other cases, it is a response to poverty, loss, or the need for child care. He didn’t romanticize it. He didn’t say it was the best model. Rather, he presented it as one tool among many – sometimes useful, sometimes harmful, depending on the context.
There is also the question of consent and power. The Alibaba examples sometimes ignore whether everyone involved actually had a choice. Was the bride given away for free? Did women experience pressure from elders? Did economic dependence force decisions? These are important questions. He didn’t dwell on it long, and it seemed like a gap – but the interview was not a complete sociological study. He was a celebrity speaking about memory and culture, with personal opinions embedded.
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Personal reaction – a mixed bag
I found myself oscillating between sympathy and skepticism. On the one hand, I can understand that certain practices evolve because they contribute – at least locally – to solving pressing problems. On the other hand, it is difficult to ignore the extent to which polygamy, historically and today, can reinforce gender hierarchies and limit women’s autonomy. So yes, I’m torn. Alibaba’s perspective reminded me that social practices are not simply good or bad; they are wrapped up in history, economics, and messy human choices.
Some points to remember
- Polygamy has both cultural and practical roots in many places. You can think of it as a tradition or a survival mechanism.
- Not all polygamous arrangements are voluntary in the modern sense; some are driven by pressure, poverty or family funeral decisions.
- People who criticize polygamy sometimes lead lives that produce similar social outcomes (multiple partners, broken family units), which complicates moral arguments.
- The debate around polygamy should include questions about consent, power and whether alternatives could better protect vulnerable people.
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Alibaba is therefore not saying that polygamy is perfect, far from it. He says it’s part of the toolkit that companies have used, sometimes for good reasons, sometimes for bad. Does that make you right? Not necessarily. But his perspective urges us to consider context before dismissing or praising entire practices out of hand.